You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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