I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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