3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
