Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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