did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
