Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
