so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize