try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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