we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
