Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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