since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
pray to the hookup gods
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
