How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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