Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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