Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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