it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
