I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
