theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize