So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize