She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The uberlube is also flammable
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
