i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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