i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
