I just made out with a guy for $7.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
