Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
