My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its about making memories worth repressing
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
