Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
