I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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