On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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