Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
