What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
