I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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