Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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