Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
