dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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