I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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