And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
