I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
