the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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