Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
