I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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