my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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