I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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