worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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