I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
