this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
