So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
