I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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