just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
