I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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