The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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