I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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