you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
