We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
