sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
