I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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