mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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