Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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