Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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