she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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