New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
