I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
