So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You are a genius and a whore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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