so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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