my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
