She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was like eating out sand paper
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
