I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
