Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
