Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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