ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
