Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
