It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
