Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
