I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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