I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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