onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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