I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
