So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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