how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT