What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
