He uses pillows to masturbate.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we should paint friendship bongs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
